I’m starting to feel really ill-prepared to do my job again. It seems like every time we switch to a new activity or project, I feel extremely anxious and worried. Today I was supposed to launch the research project, but it didn’t happen b/c (as usual) my students took longer than I expected to finish what was to come first. At lunch today I met with the other teachers involved in teaching this unit and I felt that paranoid “Are they testing me?” thing in my head when they were showing some statistics about water. I had to talk myself out of the thoughts.
I’m messing with my medication–I admit it. I’m just so tired of being fat; I really want to see if not taking my Abilify will reduce my appetite any. Last night I didn’t take my Geodon either, and the night before, I took nothing because I was so drunk, I basically passed out. (Not like me…)
Right now I have to go to yet another meeting that makes me feel paranoid. I hope I don’t experience those feelings.