Although I know it’s probably not a good idea, I’m messing with my medicine. I want to keep track of how I’m feeling, and whether I notice a change in my appetite due to the changes I’m making with meds. Yesterday I was having some obsessive thoughts about this stupid research paper I’m trying to do with my students–feeling like it’s going to fail, just worrying about it and my future. My husband told me point blank to stop worrying about tomorrow and just “enjoy him”. I tried to do that, but he shortly after fell asleep, so there wasn’t a lot of enjoyment going on.
I read that Lamictal can cause weight gain, but despite that, I took some Lamictal last night–just to help with the obsessive negative thoughts, and today I feel my appetite again. I’m also having my period, which just exacerbates and obfuscates matters. I’m staring at this registration for a conference I’m supposed to attend in June, where I have to work with other teachers to plan a year of health academy English/integrated with science and math. I’m so dreading it because I have no good ideas to offer. Last night I also took extra Geodon (60 mg) with my Klonopin (slept well, but am feeling especially tired today).
I have a therapy appointment on Friday, which I’m also dreading b/c I haven’t been exercising as my therapist suggested. I’m seriously thinking it might be better just to lie–that way she won’t harp on me.
Tomorrow and Friday, I basically have a break from my classes b/c the counselors are coming in to work on the students’ schedules for next year. I know I should use the time for planning, but I’m just so tired and unenthused, I don’t know how I’m going to do it. In addition to this research paper (which is already flopping), I still need to teach Romeo and Juliet this year, and have no idea how I’m going to fit that in. Looks like my weekend is going to be spent stewing about that.
My therapist says that all my wheel-spinning worry may make me feel like I’m doing something about my stressors, but is in fact making them worse.
Hi:
Just wanted to offer support and tell you I hear how hard this is for you. It’s especially hard when someone says “enjoy yourself” and you feel so___________(I don’t have the word for that - but you know how you feel!)
I hear how your therapist wants you to exercise and your feelings about wanting to lie to get her off your back (so to speak!)
I just wanted you to know you’re not alone - I get where you are coming from and am sending you whatever support feels like the right amount, and not too much.
Just want to mention that Bi-polar “disorder” is nothing more than a convenient label placed upon a common and natural condition that doesn’t mix well with a conforming society. What has happened is this. Man has created a system of ideas (ideology) and used that mold to create a society that only accomodates a certain people that behave as intended. Anyone who doesn’t or cannot conform to the set of ideas gets looked down upon. You either have the choice to accept who you are and flip the bird at conformists. Or you can take drugs to make yourself think you’re part of the in-crowd. You also get to deal with unpleasant side effects.
A wise man once said that when a million people end up with the same disorder, then that disorder doesn’t exist. Same goes for ADD/ADHD. Most psychological conditions are caused by sugar, flour, and chemicals that are added to 90% of the food supply. So its a given that you have no good excuse for mental problems if you’re not eating fresh fruits and veggies exclusively. Everything else is already making you sick, and you choose to eat it. Sweeteners are some of the biggest causes of brain cancer.
Stop being a conformist and be yourself. Say F You to the FDA and become smart. Reject ALL packaged foods and any that have been destroyed by man, including anything pastuerized.
I honestly use this website to keep track of medication… mainly missed meds. It helps with happiness too! If you want
http://www.healingcharts.com
I also want to lend my support to those who have “medication management” problems. It is tempting to mess with your own meds - especially when it seems that your psychiatrist is simply throwing darts. I have taken it upon myself to wean myself off of several drugs — the brilliance in that idea is sorely lacking. It is possible to have a psychotic break after quitting meds …. one that may require hospitalization for a number of weeks.
Often times - a person will be sedated for a few days, then will be prescribed a number of drugs - lamicatal, abilify, prozac, neurontin, and seroquel. This will get a person back to level - kind of. They can be cut back after a bit - but the damage has already been done.
Good self care - diet, sleep, exercise, cutting out alcohol - nicotine - etc. stress reduction - meditation, yoga, and the like are really paramount. I know that docs/therapists will tell you to do these things - lying about it is only prolonging your agony - no skin off of their backs! Take your meds as prescribed, read-read-read, be involved with the world ….. These are all needed to cope well and function at a good level in the world.
I have a friend who is bi polar and who went through the same cycle with drugs. I’m sure you hear this all the time, but exercise and eating well can really make a difference.
Best,
http://www.lightfixturesthebook.com
Thanks for your sharing, i read all of this. And it is very familiar with my friend Roni. I always remember, you have the same stories.. Just take care of yourself,okay..
GODBLESS.
You are having a hard time in managing stressors. Why? because you think of it too much. Increase your rest period and be optimistic that you can able to surpass it one at a time. Also, tell your doctor the whole truth. Don’t try to say lies even once. Think of youself and be confident that everything will be fine. Follow what your doctor said. If you are told to increase your physical activity, then, you engage in exercise.