I had a job interview yesterday that I guess went ok. It was a panel, but the woman in charge said “We’ll call you either way”. I’m pretty doubtful about my chances of getting the job. I’ve lost so much confidence in my abilities–it’s hard to remain positive when I’m feeling like I pretty much screwed my chances of getting a job in this town. Moving would be a big pain in the ass, though. I also applied for a teaching job in the same district, but I’d have to commute about 30 minutes, and–again–my confidence in my abilities is at an all-time low, not to mention the fact that I’m pretty sure I don’t want to teach anymore. I’ve sent out lots of resumes for administrative assistant jobs, and so far only one failed interview. I don’t know if I want to keep trying for that, since I’m basically already an administrative assistant for my husband’s company. I’m in such a foul mood lately, too–just feel like I have PMS even though it’s nowhere near that time of the month. Irritated with my kids, sleepy, don’t feel like getting up in the morning, taking two Ambien to sleep one night, and falling asleep on the couch at 7:30 on another. Don’t know what’s up with me. I’m just in the most agitated horrible mood. I hate looking at my resume, I hate applying for jobs, I’m sick of my kids having nothing to do all day and sick of the fact that I can’t afford to put them in camp. Everybody seems to be busy doing something except for us. We’re leaving to go out of town to visit my family next week, and it would be so nice to know that I’ll have a job in August. The month of July is just going to be one big void of nothing. What the hell am I going to do?
Archive for June 2009
The interview didn’t turn out so well. Somehow we got into a discussion about insurance and I mentioned I’m on COBRA, which prompted further questions which definitely made clear that I’ve quit a job over the past 6 months–not so great. They didn’t call me back, which doesn’t surprise me. They told me that I’m one of about 250 applicants! I could tell that people just before me and just after me were interviewing for the position. Oh well…I guess it wasn’t for me. I have another interview for an academic coaching job on Thursday, which is like being a private tutor of sorts, I guess. It sounds good, but I don’t have a lot of confidence about my ability to get the job, since I’m sure there’s a zillion other candidates. In the meantime, today I took my kids out and ran out of money to get them all the food they wanted at the movie theater. If I’d had my debit card, it probably would have been fine, although I have no idea how much money I have in my account, and I know it isn’t much. I’m getting really sick of not getting a paycheck and relying on my husband for funds. He doesn’t think it’s a big deal, but I do.
Back to the job thing, though. When I interviewed for the job that I later quit, and it seemed like such a dream job, I recall feeling somewhat manic (or was that after I got the job?) Anyway, I felt confident and I knew just what I was saying. I felt sharp. Now…I feel dull. I’m tempted to stop taking my Geodon and see if it will help me feel just a little more edgy so I’ll feel like I have a chance at this interview. I’m afraid though that I won’t sleep much, and that wouldn’t be good. I called my former therapist today to see if I could get in a phone session with her prior to the interview because I just need some coaching. What I joke–I need coaching to be a coach. My best bet is to really prepare myself by anticipating the questions they’ll ask and writing out answers. That’s what I did when I got the first job up here, and that’s what I’m planning to do for this interview. Honestly, though, I know this will only be my second interview, but I don’t know how much more rejection I can take. It’s so disheartening. I’m thinking about applying for some teaching jobs–there’s a few up here, but I’m not sure that would be the right thing.
I finally got a call about a job that might work for me. It’s as a front office manager for a CPA firm. Lots of answering the phone, filing–it shouldn’t be too tough–it’s just a matter of how busy I can stay. I would hate to be bored on the job and find myself wishing I hadn’t taken the job. First things first, though, the interview. I’m feeling pretty nervous about it, and the fact that my husband doesn’t want me to get a job doesn’t make me feel any more confident about it. I don’t have a car at the moment, summer’s starting, and I have no plans yet for my kids to go to camp, so there’s a lot of things hanging in the balance. It would be nice though to not have to worry about health insurance anymore, and to have a paycheck again. I hope the people are cool and that it turns out to be something I want to do. My husband is concerned that the employer does some of the same type of business that my husband does. He doesn’t want me to “work for a competitor”, called me a sell-out–it got pretty nasty. I tried to explain what it feels like to not have a car, to not have a job, nor a paycheck–I like to have something I can call my own. Isn’t that normal? Wish me luck